Envy!

I am jealous of the plants and their flowers

They enjoy the rains, they enjoy the breeze

They always welcome the birds and bees

They are not bothered; they don’t have woes

They enjoy the moment; rain or shine

I am so jealous

Smiling canines

There are 4 dogs in our department. No, not the professors, but real dogs. They just lazily lie outside and are pretty harmless. 

One morning, when I was walking towards the department I spotted two dogs on the way. I usually avoid these canines, but nevertheless I walked slowly. Suddenly these fellows came running towards me. I was startled for a second, and then I realized that these are the ones at our department. They came jumping about, wagging their tails so fast that it appeared it would fall off. I could even spot a smile on their face, well not a smile, but a big grin of recognition. The accompanied me all the way until I reached our department. They were all the time with me, sometimes ran in front of me, sometimes just besides or behind me. All the time they were jumping around. I felt so happy, although I have never given them anything to eat. 

Now I talk to them about nothing and everything. They just look at me resting their chin on the ground as if they want to nod along, but could not because they are so lazy to life their neck.

But whoa! These fellows made my day.

Helmet, forever

Is there an expiry date for a helmet? Unless it is broken?

My helmet is about 12 years old and still running. It has helped me during couple of incidents - minor though. There are few bruises on it, which I can live with. But otherwise as long as it fits my head, and serves the purpose, is there an expiry date for these stuffs? Or is it a life time product?

Just wondering if I am legally bound to update my helmet.

Stupid decisions. Really?

We take decisions on a daily basis. Small or big. Decisions have short term effects as well as long term implications. My professor used to explain there are three types of decisions - right decision, wrong decision and stupid decision. But often we wonder why did we decide so, or if only we decided differently the implications would have been better (or worse). It is not uncommon for a person to repent on his decisions.

Biologically, the electrical impulses which sometimes manipulate the brain are caused by over secretion of certain hormones. This explains the mob psychology and most unplanned criminal activity. Otherwise poor decisions are taken due to lack of sufficient information or under the pressure of time.

I think decisions are spatiotemporally influenced. No decisions are wrong at that particular space and time. Provided enough information is available, all decisions taken are right decisions. Later when the space and time differs these decisions appear stupid. Wise people accept that as a  stupid decisions and move on; but psychologically blind / myopic fellows (say, fanatics) just follow them.

So next time when you make fun of stupid decisions made by others (or by you) remember, those were right decisions, when those decisions were taken. Grow up, accommodate and do what is best for you in the present.

Loney tunes

I am a loner. I don't believe in teamwork that is, when I am in any team. I have read and heard a lot about synergy and that how 2+2 makes more than 4. But for me teamwork means 'Dynergy' (antonym of synergy; no, don't look up for the word yet, I just coined it, ha!). I don't do my best when I work in a team. Has somebody researched this phenomenon?. I am the architect and the critic of my work. If I make any changes based on input from anyone else, it is only a means to avoid the person.

Don't get me wrong. I am not against teamwork. Team work, does wonders, I know. Just that I am not designed for a team work.

So don't hire me to be a person in a team. I won't really work.

Weird. But that's me

I hate to have one-to-one conversations with anyone other than very close acquaintances. My hands tremble when I receive a phone call from an unknown number or when someone says 'I need to talk to you'. I don't know what to say after I say 'Hello' to anyone - be it the one who I just met or the one who I have been working with for the last few years. My mind wanders into wild during these conversations and can hardly listen to what they speak. I somehow want to finish this conversation, and in the process I agree to a lot of things which they suggest. I have run into trouble many a time when I couldn't think before I respond. I presume, I am easy to be manipulated over phone.

Surprise! But I am entirely different when it comes to public speaking - be it compering, or a presentation or just a talk to an audience. I usually do really well, and am very good at handling queries in such a public forum. I have received appreciation after almost all my presentations. During the presentation I have answers to all the queries. But if there is a post presentation one-to-one conversation with people, then I tremble.

No idea why this happens.

I am a specimen. You bet.

Assorted quaestiō

What makes a person commit suicide?

Is it extreme self-love or self-hate?

I would like to believe it is the extreme self-love, because death is the ultimate bliss one could offer oneself.

Do suicides have a sadistic element attached to it? Or is it orgasmic? Or is it sadistically orgasmic?

How I wish I could speak to Nandanar or Rajalakshmi or Nanditha or Virginia Woolf or van Gogh or all of them.

What is easier – putting up a façade of pleasantness and feeling sad inwards or exhibiting a sad demeanor and feeling happy inside? May be equally difficult.

If people were all their true natural way, what would have happened? May be human race would have been extinct long back.

Is life a journey of procuring and securing materials to meet our metabolic and carnal demands?

What happens after one reaches the top most triangle of Maslow?

Does a person who has died by age of 30, suffer from a mid-life crisis at the age of 15?

Why is logic so much over rated?

Is magic, the opposite of logic?

Asking questions is a pleasure, although there are no answers.

Okay now, back to business.

500 days left!

Imagine.

Imagine a world when the entire human male species are about to be wiped out by some strange phenomenon. The event would happen in another 500 days.

All the babies being born in the world are females.
All the males are slowly dying. Death for a male in 500 days is for sure. While the females die as it was earlier.

Imagine.

There is no time left for a drug to be researched and developed to sustain the life of males. Nevertheless the R&D process has commenced. The Olympics will not have gents events any longer and hence the Olympic Council has decided to conduct olympics every quarter. So is the case with all other sports events.

Imagine

Gentlemen rush to write their wills and party every all night.
Resentments with the neighbours are sorted out.
All goodbyes are replaced with "C ya up there"

Imagine

Females have begun underground meetings, rewriting the constitution, redrawing the geographies, drafting the laws and electing leaders.

Imagine.

Imagine the only place which would thrive in business.
Imagine the only place which would make millions.
Imagine the only place which would be THE sought after place in the next 500 days.

Beauty Saloons?
duh!

No

The Sperm Bank!

I Hate To-Do Lists

True. I hate. I work for a big corporate, but I hate to maintain a To-Do List. I’ve attended numerous workshops which speak about the importance of maintaining a To-Do list. Most of my managers used to do that, and expect their team members to follow that practice as well. I am not blaming any one who maintains and follows such a list. It’s a personal choice, and I respect that decision of yours to follow your heart. But I’ve seen people (mainly those motivation speakers) give over importance to the To-Do list.



I feel claustrophobic in maintaining a To-Do list. I feel suffocated.

I feel some one is making me do something at gunpoint.


I prefer in following my heart to do what I want to do and when I want to do. I do keep occasional reminders to make a phone call or to meet some one, but most of the time I remember those things even before my mobile reminds me. Sometimes I don’t do things even if I know it needs to be done, just because I don’t feel like doing it then. For the same reason I am not able to make regular blog posts. I have also seen people promising to make one post every day. Some follow, some doesn’t. A promise made to self or to others is to be abided. The easy way out? Don’t make promises – to self or others.

A To-Do list is a self promise.


Following a To-Do list makes life so very mechanical and predictable. At the end of the day, our life seem like a big excel sheet after an audit, with those funny coloured rows and columns. I was supposed to do this, have I done this? What made me not do it? When else am I planning to do it? Aaargh! Give me a break.

I didn’t do it, because I didn’t feel like doing it. Period. Why digging more?


There are people who fail terribly even after maintaining and following a To-Do list, and there are people who do the right thing at the right time mainly because they don’t maintain a To-Do list. I strive to be the latter one.

Let life be enigmatic.



Touchwood : I have never missed a train because I did not maintain a To-Do list.

I am scared

(Just thinking aloud)

I am scared when everything falls in place


I am scared when there is no confusion

I am scared when I suddenly discover an important document which I have been searching for over 3 years

I am scared when I find out my almost-lost debit card

I am scared when I get all what I was looking for

I am scared when I unexpectedly receive some expensive gifts

Everything seems so perfect.

I am scared.

I am scared that after perfection comes chaos

So is the law of nature, I presume.

I am scared something is cooking, and would blow up at the wrong time

Let there be some imperfections, so that there is a balance.

I don’t want a full meal every day, every time

I would prefer to sleep hungry once in a while.

But sleep, I must.

Sleep peacefully.

I am scared.

I am scared of perfections.

Being me

I suffer from an ailment called “L'esprit de l'escalier” .

I know one other person who also has this issue - a character infact – Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan in ‘Youv’e got Mail’)

L'esprit de l'escalier (or l'esprit d'escalier, usually translated as "staircase wit") is the act of thinking of a clever comeback when it is too late to deliver it. The phrase can be used to describe a riposte to an insult or any witty remark that comes to mind too late to be useful, after one has left the scene of the encounter. The phenomenon is usually accompanied by a feeling of regret at not having thought of the retort when it was most needed or suitable.

(Source : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L'esprit_de_l'escalier)

Many a times I am tongue tied and will not be able to say what should have been said, but later when I think about the situation, I can picture myself saying that and walking away in slow motion with an atrocious background music. But alas, time machine is still a dream.

I wish I had said ‘Go to Hell” many a time

I wish I had said ‘No’, when I actually just smiled

I wish I had said ‘That’s not a god idea. How about this?”, when I actually said “That’s nice”

Wish I had met a Joe Fox (Tom Hanks of You've got Mail again)

I envy people who say what needs to be said at the right moment, and walk away with a smile. They have an impeccable presence of mind, and not carried away by emotions or random thoughts.

But once I tried.

I spoke out at the right moment.

I thought that will be the suitable reply.

I thought after that I will walk away with a victorious smile on my face.

But no. Nothing happened.

I felt all the more worse.

I spend the entire night tossing and turning cursing myself for having said that.

I repented.

I still do.

I will never be the same person in front of that other person again.

I felt terrible.

If you are of the kind who thinks giving a suitable reply not caring about the other person’s emotion, so be it. Or if you are like me, so be it.

The point is to be yourself.

Do not imitate, because if you do, you’ll end up acting stupid and won’t be able to sleep.

I have accepted that “L'esprit de l'escalier” is a part of my personality. I won’t feel bad anymore. I am me.

Peace be with me. Hallelujah!

Trip to the past

Was away from the cloud for few days as I and family went for a trip to Thanjavur. Two years back, when I had just brought home the second hand car and when I could barely shift to the 4^th gear, if someone would have asked me to drive my car for more than 50 km, I would have dropped dead on the spot, but not any more. My confidence grew manifold when I covered about 500 km in less than 8 hours.  Yeah I know it is not a big deal, but for the fact that this is my first long trip in my 2005 model Alto LX, I feel happy.

Thanks to NHAI and Tamil Nadu Govt.for the excellent roads from the Aralvaymozhi – Trichy stretch. Made me wonder if it was really Indian roads – no potholes, no pits. For the major portion of the trip, I couldn’t drive under 90 kmph. It would be a crime to do so. My only fear was that the chassis of the car would fly off, unable to resist the speed. Wow! That was an experience, and driving long distances boosts your confidence.

 

[Image : http://www.thehindu.com/news/states/tamil-nadu/article42611.ece]

Big temple, Thanjavur was a long awaited destination. We wanted to visit the temple and it was in our ‘To Visit’ list for few years now (since our courtship days ;-) ). Having seen a lot of pictures and read about the history, surprisingly standing right at the front of the temple did not evoke any emotions. It was perhaps because of the crowd. Few schools also chose the same day to visit and the entire place was buzzing with lot of children in various uniforms. But the time we chose to visit was just perfect. It was evening and the natural backdrop was excellent. What caught my attention was the 1000 (?) shivalingas sculptured around the main temple, of which no two of them are identical in size, shape or dimensions.

Well maintained premises, except for the roads in the Thanjavur town. Very narrow, congested and illogically controlled traffic adds to the chaos.

I wonder why do some temples (and churches) gets prominence compared to others. Is it due to clever marketing? Or the age old beliefs? Can't quite comprehend.

I also wonder there is a temple very much similar to that of Padmanabha Swamy Temple in Trivandrum,. The temple which I refer to is located at Thiruvattar, a small sleepy village in Kanyakumari District, Tamil Nadu. I have been there couple of times and the maintenance is pathetic, mainly because they do not have the funds to maintain. If I am not wrong, the temple at Thiruvattar was also built by Marthanda Varma.

May be temples are also just like humans. Some prosper, some wither. Sigh!

Goal? What Goal?

Almost all the motivational speakers and those management big guns often use this word call ‘Goal’. Personal goal, professional goal, spiritual goal, materialistic goal, blah goal, blah blah goal. Is it really important to have a goal? Is it so that all what education does is to enable a person to define a goal and spend the rest of the life in chasing the goal?

What if the person changes his mind in between and identifies and new goal in an almost opposite direction? Will he have to run back the distance he already covered? Is that what is called unlearning?

And what if the person attains the goal at a certain age? What does he do with the rest of his life? Identify another goal and run behind that? Or should he be setting another goal even before achieving the first goal? What if he has no further goals? Which direction should he move forward?

To begin with why do we need a goal in the first place? Frankly do we all have goals? I mean fixed goals and we wake up everyday devising strategies / tactics in getting closer to that goal, and every night analysing how well the strategy worked in moving towards the goal. Are we becoming a scientific calculator?

What if I don’t have a goal? Do I not have the right to live and enjoy my life? Will I be sidelined and be tagged as an aimless vagabond? Exactly.

Me thinks: we set up goals only to please everyone else other than us, I mean the real us.
We can’t have fixed goals. We will have short term goals the duration of which gets varied from a few seconds to a few years.

So is it important to have a goal? - No.
Can we have multiple goals? - Ofcourse
Can we live without a goal? – Yes
Can we change our goals in between? – Absolutely. Welcome to the club.

It is very easy to ask questions. Don’t believe me?